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August 20, 2005
On Becoming A Person
Played mahjong at See Mian's house last night. Finally got back my book On Becoming A Person by Carl Rogers that must have been lying on his book shelf for at least two years.
Got this book four years ago at the Barnes & Noble on 6th @ 22nd in NYC. Just two weeks ago, I was trying to get a copy for Lucille but I couldn't find it at any of the major bookstores in Singapore. Many only carry Rogers' other book - A Way of Being.
Although the sub-headline for the book reads "A Therapist's View On Psychotherapy", this book is not only for people who are interested in psychotherapy or psychology. It's for anyone who's interested to become a better person.
The concept of authenticity was first introduced to me by Dianna Old, founder of The Rae Group.
At that time, I seldom heard people use such adjectives as "authentic" and "centered" to describe a person so I didn't think I really understood those words. That was until I read On Becoming A Person.
Anyway, Rogers had a way of explaining profound concepts in really simple language. I especially like a paragraph he wrote about empathy.
To be with another in this way means that for the time being, you lay aside your own views and values in order to enter another's world without prejudice. In some sense it means that you lay aside your self; this can only be done by persons who are secure enough in themselves that they know they will not get lost in what may turn out to be the strange or bizarre world of the other, and that they can comfortably return to their own world when they wish. Perhaps this description makes clear that being empathic is a complex, demanding, and strong yet also a subtle and gentle - way of being.
I think if I've read this paragraph without reading the rest of the book, I probably won't be able to appreciate how profound these simple words are.
The concept of empathic listening was made popular by Stephen Covey (Think Win-Win, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) and Peter Senge (Withholding Your Assumption & Mental Models, Peter Senge).
Nowadays, "win-win" has become a cliche. When people say "This is a win-win situation" in a business negotiation, do they actually know what they're talking about? I wonder.
Posted by loganw at August 20, 2005 05:29 AM
