September 28, 2006

Just Like Heaven Under The Stars

Spent $30 bucks on 2 Starlight Cinema tickets so that we can sit uncomfortably in the open at Padang, watching movie under the stars. Outrageously expensive but afterall this is the first movie I'm watching with YF so I wanted to make sure it's not just a typical movie.

Well the venue may not be typical but the movie definitely was. Both of us could only make it on Thursday and we ended up watching a chick flick - Just Like Heaven - by Reese Witherspoon on a Ladies' Night. Totally predictable plot: Girl was set up on a date with Guy. Girl never met Guy because she met with an accident and went into a coma. Guy coincidentally moved into Girl's apartment that was rented out. Girl's spirit showed up at the apartment. Only Guy could see and communicate with Girl's spirit. Guy and Girl's spirit fell in love. Guy got Girl out of the coma by giving her a kiss. Guy and Girl lived happily ever after.

Ya...I know it's predictable but I thought it left us both feeling warm and fuzzy after the show. I like feeling warm and fuzzy around him :-)

Posted by loganw at 04:03 PM | Comments (0)

September 23, 2006

Ah Be Turns One

My nephew just turned one year old! Had nearly 100 guests for his birthday party. Incredible.

Here's a picture of his nervous uncle forcing a smile while carrying him (while standing) for the very first time. He was in a really cute OshKosh BGosh jumper and his uncle was in a really cool Energie t-shirt ;-)

Fuiting says Ah Be looks really yayapapaya but I think he looks frightened, as if I may drop him any time.

Posted by loganw at 07:13 AM | Comments (0)

September 06, 2006

Mummy vs. Mozzy

For my little sister, life takes on a whole new meaning being a mother.

Fui Ting says:
anyway, bad news..
Fui Ting says:
baby kerna attacked by mosquito last nite..
Fui Ting says:
a total of at least 12 bites have been identified
blureye says:
oh my god!
Fui Ting says:
the attacker has been executed
blureye says:
hahahahaha
Fui Ting says:
we are now into defense mode
blureye says:
the maid kerna executed too?
Fui Ting says:
just went to buy mosquito patch, anti mozzie candles, insect repellent
Fui Ting says:
maid not executed cos the attack occured late in the nite when daddy and mummy were on duty
Fui Ting says:
mummy was attacked too..
blureye says:
hahahahahahaha
Fui Ting says:
but couldnt find the attacker last nite and was too tired to really go and find
Fui Ting says:
now grandma is blaming daddy and mummy for not catching the mozzy
Fui Ting says:
say, mummy and daddy bitten nevermind.. but not baby..
Fui Ting says:
its like we are not human beings lor
Fui Ting says:
we kerna bite
blureye says:
that's wat she said to the maid too the last time round mah
Fui Ting says:
haha

Posted by loganw at 06:15 AM | Comments (0)

August 28, 2006

......

Wondering all at once I'm wondering
What it's like to grow up
And have someone show up

Wondering what it was that hurt me
And wondering like I might be wondering
If he might be wondering
About me this way

Posted by loganw at 03:50 PM | Comments (0)

June 22, 2006

As Cute As It Gets (Part 2)

Uploaded specially for all unwilling human doorstops and door openers. Smile :-)

Posted by loganw at 03:21 PM | Comments (1)

April 29, 2006

Maverick's First Day Of School

This picture was taken four months ago on Maverick's first day at Choa Chu Kang Primary School. It's an important milestone and his favorite uncle was there to escort him to school, along with his dad, mum and grandpa.

It was the first time I saw him in a school uniform and I kept laughing at him. Now if you ask him who he is, he'll tell you he's Maverick Yee from Class 1L. L for Lion.

Posted by loganw at 01:09 PM | Comments (1)

April 25, 2006

Dream Guy

This is rather spooky but somewhat flattering :-)

Got an SMS from ZY yesterday. He told me he dreamt about me the night before. And I just got off the phone with Francis today and he told me he dreamt about me two days ago.

I'm such a dream guy...

It's a sign. I'm getting laid soon.

Posted by loganw at 09:29 AM | Comments (2)

March 31, 2006

Assume Makes An Ass Out Of You And Me

Learnt something new from Scott today...

ASSUME makes an ASS out of U and ME.

Cool.

Posted by loganw at 12:27 PM | Comments (0)

March 24, 2006

此刻心情：豪放

莫听穿林打叶声，何妨吟啸且徐行

Posted by loganw at 02:17 AM | Comments (0)

March 10, 2006

Growing Together

Lee says:
u think that since u're at this age and when u find a life partner things will b easier than when if you were much younger
blureye says:
hahahahhahah
blureye says:
for one, i think i'm more equipped to deal with emotions
blureye says:
either mine or my partner's
Lee says:
i think it could b more difficult .coz i've learnt that when u find n live with a partner, there are so many things to get used to n get along
blureye says:
it's like getting married mah
Lee says:
n at an older age, u would hv alot of fixed "ideas" etc
blureye says:
true in a way
blureye says:
but u r also clearer abt what u can compromise and what u cant
Lee says:
which u will stick to quite steadfastly as u've always believed it for years
blureye says:
sometimes i think when u're younger, and less sure abt who u r,
blureye says:
u can become lost in someone else's world
blureye says:
juz keep changing n compromising until u're not yourself anymore
blureye says:
which is really sad
Lee says:
that's true but i think when a relationship settles and matures, then u'll b more secure abt urself, ur partner n the relationship, which can strengthen both pple
blureye says:
precisely
Lee says:
some pple nvr learn not to mould to their partners no matter wat age they r
Lee says:
but they seem pretty happy
blureye says:
i think the best relationship is one which allows both person to grow positively
Lee says:
u think mayb they're already a blank sheet so they'll b happy being anything 
blureye says:
it's not about not changing...it's about changing for the better
blureye says:
no la. i dun think anyone is a blank sheet
Lee says:
yah yah .changing for better got lah, if they no ideas abt themselves then they r pretty much blank sheets wat
blureye says:
i like dirty sheets
Lee says:
each time they meet someone they adopt the other's "persona" 
blureye says:
ya lo. tat's sad
blureye says:
i dun want to adopt my partner's persona n i wont want him to adopt mine
blureye says:
if he does, i think i immediately sian liao
Lee says:
breakup n the old persona goes back to blank then meet someone new n the new person will write new "persona" for the clueless one
blureye says:
no personality
Lee says:
but his personality is urs wat
Lee says:
if u love urself then bonus lah u think
Lee says:
u think it'll work that way
blureye says:
wat u mean his personality is urs?
Lee says:
if u love urself n he's got ur personality then won't u like it
blureye says:
yucks!
blureye says:
definitely no!
blureye says:
i wont like someone who's like me
blureye says:
n worse still, trying to be like me

Posted by loganw at 01:30 PM | Comments (0)

February 20, 2006

As Cute As It Gets

My nephew, Wenjun. The little prince.

Posted by loganw at 03:07 PM | Comments (0)

February 12, 2006

He Who Has A Why To Live Can Bear With Almost Any How

Was chatting with ZY on MSN the other day and we ended up talking about Nietzche briefly. Not that I'm familiar with his work, but I'll always remember one of his famous quotes:

He who has a why to live can bear with almost any how

I took out my journal because I recalled taking some short notes when I was exploring Vicktor Frankl's logotherapy which has everything to do with existentialism and man's search for meaning in life.

The entry was made on October 18, 2000...

Central theme of existentialism To live is to suffer, to survive is to find meaning in the suffering. If there is a purpose in life at all, there must be a purpose in suffering and in dying.

How buddhist...

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms - to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way.

A great way of life. (If you find this statement fluffy and academic, read Viktor Frankl's Man Search For Meaning for starters. This is someone who survived the Holocaust to found logotherapy. This is someone who's been there, done that. So he wasn't talking through his ass.)

I was having drinks with Elvin, Libing and Lina last Saturday at Balaclava. Libing was back from Beijing for Chinese New Year. We had to sit outside because the waiter wouldn't allow me to enter in my Havainna flip flops. After they finished bitching about my inappropriate attire (whatever), and we finished updating each other on our sex life (a very very very very brief dialogue), we talked about what it meant to be happy.

Anyway I'm getting long-winded. What I wanted to say is...of course there are people who don't spend a lot of time thinking about what really make them happy. So it's kinda like ignorance rather than bliss (that's why ignorance is bliss). But we must also recognize that there are people who are already living the life that makes them happy, whether they are conscious of it or not. And the fact that they are not frustrated with their current state doesn't necessarily mean that they don't know what they're missing out.

For those of us who are grappling with issues such as Who am I? What do I exist in the world to do?, we sometimes try to make ourselves feel better by assuming that people who are not frustrated and discontented with life are people who are simply leading their life aimlessly. That may not be necessarily true. The fact that they are not frustrated may suggest that they are already very comfortable with who they are and are already feeling connected to the universe. That's why they don't think about such existential issues as much as others do. It's like the air that we breathe in. We won't notice it unless we're deprived of it.

Posted by loganw at 09:01 AM | Comments (0)

November 28, 2005

Why Does It Always Have To Be A Game?

If it's really so obvious that game play is unhealthy, why do so many people engage in it? Are we so ill-equipped emotionally that we cannot find a better way to express ourselves? Or does it stem from some sick, perverted need to be in control?

And so what if you play the game better and eventually gain the upper hand? Does it really make you feel good?

If you have watched Before Sunrise, you may remember Julie Delpy's character Celine, saying:

I always feel like the general of an army when I start dating a guy. Plotting my strategy and maneuverings knowing his weak points, what would hurt him, seduce him.

And what did she say after she gave this analogy? She said it's horrible!

Posted by loganw at 09:57 AM | Comments (0)

September 26, 2005

What If God Is A Placebo?

My third Alpha meeting. Topic was on prayers. When it came to group discussion, those of us who are Christians were asked to share their experiences praying to God.

Tim described it as a dialogue...a two-way communication. But the question is: "how do you really know it's two-way?" At one point, someone mentioned that it doesn't matter whether God heard her prayers because she already felt better after praying.

It reminded me of the placebo effect.

Proponents of the placebo effect say it doesn't matter that the placebo itself does not actually have any healing effect. As long as the patient believes that the placebo works and that this belief leads to a higher chance of recovery, the placebo has served its purpose and there's nothing objectionable about it.

Opponents are dismayed at the use of a placebo because it perpetuates ignorance and deception. Time and effort should be productively spent finding a real cure.

...I'm a proponent.

So coming back to God. And I'm using God in the broadest sense. Higher intelligence, as some people may call Him/Her/It. What if God doesn't exist but the belief that God exists and the act of praying affect us psychologically in a positive manner that leads to an improvement in some, or all aspects of our life?

If I'm a proponent of the placebo effect, doesn't it mean that having a religious faith is good regardless of whether God exists?

Looking at it from this angle, doesn't that make the age-old debate on the existence of God a non-issue?

But then again, there's the whole part about the afterlife. That opens another can of worms.

I need to ponder more...

Posted by loganw at 03:27 AM | Comments (1)

September 05, 2005

Ethical Ambition. An Oxymoron?

Picked up a gem for only $5 at the Times book fair about 3 weeks ago. It's a book entitled Ethical Ambition by Derrick Bell.

The title was the thing that caught my attention. At first glance, Ethical Ambition seems like an oxymoron. If you're ambitious, you'll have to compromise on your integrity. If you're ethical, you may have to scale back on your ambitions.

Since my days with Aiesec, I've always found it incomprehensible when people adopt a dichotomistic view of the world. As a non-profit, we were always debating about whether the quality of our exchange program, or the number of participants we put through the program was more important. Why does it have to be one or the other? Why can't you have a quality program that have a large quantity of participants?

It's not only non-profits that grapple with such issues. Corporations deal with similar issues too. Can a business entity be socially responsible while it remains highly profitable? How can an organization allow each employee to make a unique contribution and realize his or her unique potential working under structures, systems and processes? How can an organization maintain equilibrium and not be in a constant state of chaos while remaining responsive to the dynamic external environment?

The issue that Bell sought to address in his book was something more personal: "How can I maintain my integrity while seeking success?"

Here is someone who resigned as the dean of the University of Oregon Law School after the law faculty voted that he could not offer a position to an Asian American woman who had been placed third on a long list of candidates after the top two choices turned it down.

Five years later, he took a leave without pay as a lecturer at Harvard Law School to express his disappointment with the school's failure to appoint a woman of colour to the faculty. His protest lasted two years before he was dismissed by Harvard.

He's quite a troublemaker...

I find this book an inspiring and uplifting read. It's also reassuring to know that it's possible to have your integrity and realize your aspirations at the same time, although the journey may not be easy.

My favourite paragraph is found in Chapter Two on Courage and Risk Taking. He wrote:

When we contemplate the ways that people see thrills, is it possible that we all need this feeling in one form or another, and that many who would not dare to challenge those in authority seek the needed assertion of self in the artificial thrill of playing the lottery, bungee jumping, or driving too fast? If it is possible, then it is sad to think how many people miss the more real and more humane thrill that can come when we stand up for what we believe is right against those who believe are wrong.

Posted by loganw at 05:10 PM | Comments (0)

August 20, 2005

On Becoming A Person

Played mahjong at See Mian's house last night. Finally got back my book On Becoming A Person by Carl Rogers that must have been lying on his book shelf for at least two years.

Got this book four years ago at the Barnes & Noble on 6th @ 22nd in NYC. Just two weeks ago, I was trying to get a copy for Lucille but I couldn't find it at any of the major bookstores in Singapore. Many only carry Rogers' other book - A Way of Being.

Although the sub-headline for the book reads "A Therapist's View On Psychotherapy", this book is not only for people who are interested in psychotherapy or psychology. It's for anyone who's interested to become a better person.

The concept of authenticity was first introduced to me by Dianna Old, founder of The Rae Group.

At that time, I seldom heard people use such adjectives as "authentic" and "centered" to describe a person so I didn't think I really understood those words. That was until I read On Becoming A Person.

Anyway, Rogers had a way of explaining profound concepts in really simple language. I especially like a paragraph he wrote about empathy.

To be with another in this way means that for the time being, you lay aside your own views and values in order to enter another's world without prejudice. In some sense it means that you lay aside your self; this can only be done by persons who are secure enough in themselves that they know they will not get lost in what may turn out to be the strange or bizarre world of the other, and that they can comfortably return to their own world when they wish. Perhaps this description makes clear that being empathic is a complex, demanding, and strong yet also a subtle and gentle - way of being.

I think if I've read this paragraph without reading the rest of the book, I probably won't be able to appreciate how profound these simple words are.

The concept of empathic listening was made popular by Stephen Covey (Think Win-Win, Seven Habits of Highly Effective People) and Peter Senge (Withholding Your Assumption & Mental Models, Peter Senge).

Nowadays, "win-win" has become a cliche. When people say "This is a win-win situation" in a business negotiation, do they actually know what they're talking about? I wonder.

Posted by loganw at 05:29 AM | Comments (0)

August 16, 2005

Eternal Happiness

Lu Gim's persistence paid off when I attended my first Alpha meeting yesterday evening. It's an 8-week program that provides an informal setting for anyone to explore the Christian faith.

The meeting was held at Lu Hong's Book Cafe at Mohd Sultan. Ben gave sort of like an opening speech as an atheist who attended the last run of the Alpha Course. We then watched a video of the charismatic founder of the Alpha Course addressing a congregation. Lotsa charisma but few new insights.

After the video, we got into small group discussions. Marilyn was the facilitator for my group. One of the questions she asked was "If God could answer one question for you, what would you ask?"

I'll ask God if He can introduce me to Buddha. Marilyn said she's a very impatient person and the notion of eternity may drive her crazy. How does it feel to live eternally?

It rang a bell because some time back, I was also pretty much asking the same question about nirvana. How does it feel to have attained nirvana? (No, I like to think that it's different from smoking pot).

The question popped up in my head as I was reading a 1961 article by Carl Rogers entitled "A Therapist's View of the Good Life: The Fully Functioning Person".

In it, he wrote:

A Negative Observation

As I have tried to live understandingly in the experiences of my clients, I have gradually come to one negative conclusion about the good life. It seems to me that the good life is not any fixed state. It is not, in my estimation, a state of virtue, or contentment, or nirvana, or happiness. It is not a condition in which the individual is adjusted, or fulfilled, or actualized. To use psychological terms, it is not a state of drive reduction, or tension reduction, or homeostatis.

I believe that all of these terms have been used in ways which imply that if one or several of these states is achieved, then the goal of life has been achieved. Certainly, for many people happiness, or adjustment, are seen as states of being which are synonymous with the good life. And social scientists have frequently spoken of the reduction of tension, or the achievement of homeostatis or equilibrium, as if these states constituted the goal of the process of living.

So it is with a certain amount of surprise and concern that I realize that my experience supports none of these definitions. If I focus on the experience of those individuals who seem to have evidenced the greatest degree of movement during the relationship, appear to have made and to be making real progress toward the good life, then it seems to me that they are not fixed states of being. I believe they would consider themselves insulted if they were described as "adjusted", and they would regard it as false if they were described as "happy" or "contented", or even "actualized". As I have known them I would regard it as most inaccurate to say that all their drive tensions have been reduced, or that they are in a state of homeostatis. So I am forced to ask myself whether there is any way in which I can generalize about their situation, any definition which I can give of the good life which would seem to fit the facts as I have observed them. I find this not at all easy, and what follows is stated very tentatively.

A Positive Observation

If I attempt to capture in a few words what seems to me to be true of these people, I believe it will come out somthing like this:

The good life is a process, not a state of being.

It is a direction, not a destination.

The direction which constitutes the good life is that which is selected by the total organism, when there is psychological freedom to move in any direction.

This organismically selected direction seems to have certain discernible general qualities which appear to be the same in a wide variety of unique individuals.

So I can integrate these statements into a definition which can at least serve as a basis for consideration and discussion. The good life, from the point of view of my experience, is the process of movement in a direction which the human organism selects when it is inwardly free to move in any direction, and the general qualities of this selected direction appear to have a certain universality.

Honestly it's hard for me as a mortal to understand the concept of eternal happiness. What Rogers said makes a lot of sense. At least, as somone who's striving to be a "fully functioning person", I can relate to what he wrote.

If you're keen to read the full article, you'll be able to find it in The Carl Rogers Reader by Howard Kirschenbaum and Valerie Land Henderson. It's available at Borders and Books Kinokuniya.

It's an awesome book. If you're a huge fan of Carl Rogers, this book is a must-have. Some of my favorite articles include The Characteristics of a Helping Relationship, A Client-centered/Person-centered Approach, What I Learned From Two Research Studies, The Necessary and Sufficient Conditions of Therapeutic Personality Change and A Note on "The Nature of Man".

Posted by loganw at 12:20 AM | Comments (0)